I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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