Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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