Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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