You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
