yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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