Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
