we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's blow job season.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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