why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
