Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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