My pussy is not your playground.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
