Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
