Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
