my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
