I just saw a hot homeless man
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
