At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
