Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
