why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
