Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
