Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
