But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
