Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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