At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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