You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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