I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
