Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
