If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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