I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
