You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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