My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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