Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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