So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
