I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
