and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
