First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
