everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
