i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
