Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
