Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
