My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's paper in my vomit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
