i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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