Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
