I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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