I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
