Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
