Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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