his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
