halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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