my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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