That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize