I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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