You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
