let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the day after is always just damage control
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
