'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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