So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
