so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
