Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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