Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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